Every one wants to create and nurture a happy family. "Being happy as a family is something deeper than simply having fun together or feeling the immediate euphoria of a joyful event like opening presents on Christmas morning”, explains Scott Haltzman, M.D, author of the new book The Secrets of Happy Families. A happy family is a family that has a deep sense of meaning and purpose in their lives. When you have that, he adds, the lows feel more manageable, because you can put them into perspective — and the highs are more memorable.

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Monday, January 24, 2011

Success Comes Effortlessly - If You've Got Your Head in Shape

The normal mind ' and we're all burdened with normality ' is simply not fit to run life's great race.   And lack of mental fitness just about sums the normal person up.  For all of your adult life, you've been mindlessly slouching on a couch, like a slob, watching re-runs of old movies ' the movies of your formative years that your subconscious mind thrives on.  Research shows that this is where our subconscious mind lives ' in the past.  It uses the past to try to make sense of the present and, in the process, makes a complete nonsense of it.   As things stand, you're not even fit enough to take a light mental jog!

However, life is not a light jog - life's more like a cross-country race! And, if you haven't properly trained yourself, you won't be able to run it like you should.  The amazing things is, though, if you do bother to take even a little mental exercise, you will suddenly realize that life is not, in fact, a marathon at all - it's only our unfit normal crazy mind that makes it so.  In the right state of mind, life is a gentle, enjoyable and effortless stroll in the park.  Have you ever experienced the peace and calm of that stroll?  Is carefree and effortless living something that you have experienced?   If you haven't, it's because you're an unfit mental slob and it's your own fault.

How do you change all that?  Does it require massive effort or discipline?  Not at all - all that is required is just a little commitment on your part.   Believe it or not, it only takes a few minutes each morning to get your head in the right place - perhaps a little longer for a start if you want to give yourself the solid foundation from which you can springboard to effortless living.   And ten minutes each morning will change the other twenty three hours and fifty minutes - you simply won't recognise your life.

What exercise am I talking about?   Nothing could be simpler - you've just got to re-develop your innate ability to pay attention to reality.  At present, as I've already said, your subconscious mind is stuck in a rut.  Your subconscious mind is obsessed with a long-gone past. It uses that out-of-date perspective - theh stuff that you learned during your childhood (when you were young and impressionable) to make sense of the here and now.  The results?  Pick up the newspapers, see how so many normal people behave so badly - from global conflict and terrorism to husbands beating wives, from the high-finance greed that has brought world economies to their knees to shop-lifting.  Look at your own life.  Your subconscious mind's efforts to make sense of today lead to anxiety, stress, worry, ill-health, dissatisfaction - the list, in fact, is endless.  Letting your subconscious mind run on auto-pilot is making nonsense of your life - you've got to come to your senses.

Research strongly suggests that our ability to be happy, focused, effective and successful is correlated to our ability to pay attention to the here and now.   If we leave the running of our lives to our subconscious mind, we end up paying no attention to the here and now and the results are, at best, not-too-bad, at worst, disastrous.   I've already said it but bears repeating - you've got to re-train yourself in the simple but powerful art of paying attention.  I say 're-train' because, as children, we were experts at it.

What do you need to pay attention to?   Not your goals, not the outcomes that you want to achieve - you simply must pay attention to the reality of the present moment.  Nothing else.  Life is only lived in the reality of the here and now.  Today's actions create tomorrow's 'reality'.   How you behave right now decides whether you will muddle through or truly succeed.   And, at present, your normal mind is pretty much doing nothing other than going through the motions of living.  Instead of automatically reacting to your perceptions of reality, you've got to start taking action.  You've got to start taking action for yourself - nobody else will do it for you.

How can you re-learn your innate ability to pay attention?   Meditate.  Meditation disciplines an otherwise undisciplined mind.  When you meditate, you develop your innate ability to pay attention your five senses and how they truly perceive the reality of the moment.  Meditation breaks the link between reality and what your subconscious mind makes up in place of reality.  Only meditation can fully clear your mind - and armed with a clear mind you can and will change your life effortlessly.  Meditation is the prerequisite to effortless, happy and successful living.
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A much sought after speaker and consultant, Willie Horton has worked in the field of personal development since 1996. His clients include business leaders in Pfizer, Allergan, KPMG, Deloitte, Diageo and G4S. Author of 'To Succeed Just Let Go', in 2008 he founded Gurdy.Net -- the personal development website and home to his acclaimed online personal development workshops. His free weekly Ezine is read by thousands worldwide - sign up at Gurdy.Net
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Here are the keys to building a family life that will make your guy, your kids, and you truly happy.

1. Know who they are

When your family agrees on its core values — and consistently lives by those standards — you'll build a stronger family identity and reduce conflict. Certain values fall into place naturally; if you're married, you and your husband probably committed to each other in the first place because of values that both of you share.

However, Haltzman insists on not simply letting your values evolve on their own, but rather deliberately shaping and naming your core principles. "Defining your values together cannot only reinforce a lot of the qualities that brought you together, but it can also help steer you in times when you feel conflicted," he says.

2. Lean on others

No family thrives in a bubble — your extended relatives, friends, neighbors, and other networks are crucial to your happiness. "Other families expose kids to new ideas and lifestyles and give them a broader view of their roles in their own family as well as in their community," Haltzman says.

If you don't have a built-in network, Haltzman suggests creating your own support system through volunteering, joining the PTA or a book club, participating in religious services, or simply reaching out to your neighbors.

3. Bounce back

Truly happy families have the resiliency to face life's challenges and stay strong. "Going through difficult times can actually make you feel more connected as a family," Haltzman says.

4. Breathe

Families do better when they have plenty of laid-back time together. Whether you're going for a walk, playing Rock Band, making cookies, or just hanging out, the best way to build happy family connections is simply to enjoy one another spontaneously. "You can spend your life defining your goals, setting your values, and putting all the right things into place," Haltzman says, "but you also have to take a step back and live a little."

John SBroto & Friend

John SBroto & Friend
Boating under Niagara Falls - shot of water, roaring rapids voice, wave exposure … thrilling ... as well as fun! Life ... the challenge ... while enjoying it!